Here is my Existential perspective about love (based on Existential concept on the modes of “Being-in-the-World” or “Dasein”)
There are 3 modes namely “Umwelt” (Environment around us), Mitwelt (People around us) and Eigenwelt (Self within us)
To be considered healthy, people should simultaneously live within the 3 modes, meaning, not one is bigger than the other.
The problem nowadays with the perspective of “loving” is the appeasement of our selves alone (Umwelt) and reaching out to others (Mitwelt) to have a sense of self (Eigenwelt). With this structure, Umwelt and Mitwelt are the ones that are mostly lived with, but Eigenwelt is neglected.
There is nothing wrong with loving, for it is a natural drive in us to respond to our environment. But, what happens is that we tend to forget the aspect of “Eigenwelt” . This is the world where we should have a resolution in ourselves, to be complete on our own, to activate our potentials and to build a self-concept that is based on authentic living. Many people couldn’t handle the existential isolation and the anxiety that comes along with it. They have not nourished the inner strength essential to put anxiety in a level that will catapult themselves to a more intact individual. So, they go about their way looking for someone that will somehow make them feel whole.
Loving is not an issue of filling what is missing in you, but rather with your wholeness and sense of love in yourself, you learn how to love and to give love. Loving is not a mere external drive, but more of internal. No one can complete you than to have your “Eigenwelt” activated in you. You don’t need to find the half of what you are missing, or else, it will just be a shared brokenness of two people whose sense of Eigenwelt are not resolved.
No wonder many people lose their sanity in loving with the wrong input because nothing is there inside to hold on.